Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 3 months since my last confession.

I’ve been expecting you, my child.

YOU HAVE???

You shouldn’t sound so surprised! For an old guy, I’m pretty tapped in. The Word on the street is vanity insanity was tempting you to walk on the dark side.

HUH?

The parishioners organizing the rummage sale have been gossiping for weeks that your no-new-plastic pledge was headed for another disaster all because of mascara.

Oh no, Father. That’s NOT the sin I’ve committed.My MAJOR SIN today Father is much, much bigger than mascara. With far greater implications to the planet and especially to my plastic shrine....