Ah, the first signs of Spring have appeared.  

When I was a prairie-girl, you knew it was spring when you saw the year’s first dead gopher splattered on the side of the road. I kid you not.

Thankfully, here on the west coast, spring is heralded by much lovelier signs: cherry blossoms, magnolia blooms, and the appearance of Girl Guides hawking their cookies. 

But this year, I’ve sworn off letting any new plastic into my life, and alas, I declare it with a heavy heart – that’ means Girl Guide Cookies are off limits for 2007. Because those little femme-fatale-concoctions are lovingly nestled in cradles of plastic. 

I have a confession to make. And no, it’s not another MAJOR SIN.

Let me premise the murky, mucky, dirty details by saying EnviroWoman likes to think she lives her life to high moral standards. Sure, she’s had momentary lapses. Road rage. Revenge fantasies. White lies. Plastic purchases. But for the most part…she travels life with a clean slate and a clear conscious.

But now…with a Scarlett Letter….

You see, EnviroWoman has been having an adulterous love affair….with Dr. Oetker.

Back online. Last week did the 'Truth' show for 200 business folks at the Vancouver Board of Trade. I have another show today for 400 and a few more coming up in May and early June. And speaking of spreading the good word, I just handed over a prize to EnviroWoman, the winner of ChangeEverything’s New Year’s Resolution’s contest.

(Grab a java. And your ruby slippers. This is one long trek through OZ.)

All is not right in Kansas.

It started as just a windstorm a-brewing. But look over there, I'm sure that's a funnel cloud on the horizon. And can you feel a mysterious alteration of the air….and a warm wind headed our way? The birds have stopped singing and the crickets aren't chirping. And when they’re quiet it’s never a good sign…’cuz it’s an omen a real tornado is headed our way.

And that tornado is global warming.

Will you and EnviroWoman be standing in the eye of the storm soon? Or can we change our ways profoundly enough, and fast enough to divert disaster?

I cut a plastic life-line loose the other day. In a little private ceremony in front of Safeway.

I deposited a whole swack of plastic bags into Safeway’s recycling bin. Adios amigos. Asta la vista. Sayonara.

This was a bundle which had taken up residence in the back seat of MyLittleCar after I tossed them there in the summer of 2006. I’d been too lazy or pre-occupied to deposit them into the recycling bin.

I re-discovered them in the early days of my no-new-plastic-pledge and thought…'Hmmmm…since the rule is I can continue to reuse any of the plastic I have in my life as of Dec 31st 2006, in a pinch I could use these as garbage bags when my paper ones run out.'

But those bags have remained there, untouched, since January 1st.

After getting all braniac from her trip to Oz, EnviroWoman decided she needed a GirlyGirl reward.

So she bought lipstick!

One thousand and one. One thousand and two.

Okay, in those two seconds, 90% of TheTestosterones just hit the Browser Back button. Bye, bye boys. But come back soon. Maybe next time EnviroWoman will blog about plastic-free hockey pucks or beer. Ya never know.

The other 10% of TheTestosterones diverted their attention from the computer monitor during those 2 seconds to yell over their shoulder ‘HoneyBun, SweetiePie, ya gotta come read this…EnviroWoman is talking lipstick.’ Oh boys, we so love you for that. Brownie points galore! Plus a little plastic-free peck on the cheek from EnviroWoman.

Now that leaves the rest of us. Girrrllllsss!!!!!

And women….it’s true, today EnviroWoman celebrates…..miracle of miracles….plastic-free lipstick.

I’ve finished month #4 living the ‘no-new-plastic’ pledge. I’ve got 8 months left to go in my New Year’s resolution… But lately I’ve been thinking of making this a life-time pledge. After all, many years ago I took my meat-free and cruelty-free vows – for life. Why not pledge plastic-free-for life too? 

You’re probably thinking “Wow, living plastic-free for life! This EnviroWoman chick is either growing balls or needs to get a slightly tighter grasp on reality” 

‘Tis true my sweets I’m feeling rather brazen.....

The Prince and the Pea by Hans Christian Andersen and EnviroWoman

Once upon a time in the magical kingdom of LaLaLand there lived a prince….Prince MyMcDreamy.  

He had reached the age where it was time to grow up, say goodbye to the GirlsGoneWild and BarBimbettes, and find himself a wife….a real Princess.  

So he traveled around the world searching for her. His quest took him from Alaska to Zanzibar and even to Match.com. But, in all his travels, he never found a TrueBluePrincess. Some came close, but none were ‘just right’. So finally, giving up all hope, he came home to LaLaLand empty handed. 

The QueenMother was not pleased. Was her son going to be TheBachelor for life? 

One day, between royal engagements, Prince MyMcDreamy took a walk in the kingdom’s marketplace, but found himself caught in a torrential downpour. It stormed. It thundered. It rained torrents. As it often did in LaLaLand. The road back to the palace was washed away.  

Soaked to the royal jewels and stranded, Prince MyMcDreamy took refuge in a tiny shop called Bed.

For years EnviroWoman proudly proclaimed “I belong to the Pepsi Generation”….even after giving up plastic. I just resorted to drinking Pepsi from a can so I could still count myself among the CokeCounterCulture, but still live plastic-free. 

But Anonymous has changed all that....

Friends. Family. We are gathered here today to pay our final respects to YellowHighlighter.    

A devoted and faithful companion to EnviroWoman for many, many years YellowHighlighter shared her love of reading, reconciling bank statements, and drawing on TheBeast’s nose.  

He was her ever-constant StudyBuddy through 14 years of post secondary school and even accompanied her into the hallowed halls of CorporateCanada.

And she…well she was as equally devoted to YellowHighlighter...