personal identity

As I continue working on my resolution, I am becoming more and more aware of my surroundings. Funny how that happens?

I have spent the last half an hour watching my 20 month son tap dance on a pizza wheel. To explain this we went to the East Van Farmer's Market yesterday and as we were standing in line at one of the produce stalls (you can now get baby carrots!).

The month of February is coming to a close, however I am inspired to open up. Writing this blog has been good practice for me and a way to stay on track and actually do something about the resolution I set out at the beginning. The goals I gave myself are life time goals and I will go forward and work on them for life.

The babies are asleep, and it is the end of a beautiful day here on Pender Island. We thought we would head out here for the weekend and spend some quality time with Grampa. Today we set up a compost for him and set out some grass seed. It was warm and sunny all day! 

I feel like I am coming out of a cloud, that wanting to work on myself has made me want to work outwardly as well, beyond my family and I. 

Yesterday at school I lost some time that I thought I had gained. I realized I was still fighting. Instead of listening, I was deflecting. My instructor listened to me whine about how "I have this against me and that against me". I fell right back into old habits. He asked me something personal about my work.

I struggle with the idea of self, I know I am not the first person nor will I be the last person to have this struggle. But I want to be comfortable with who I am. I know right now that I am not. Day by day I have to repeat my goals to myself like a mantra. I am doing well with this and am making progress.

Nearly everything I do is for my family. As I type I have two 18 month babies crawling all over me, and fighting for my attention. This may take some time.