Live Plastic-Free in 2007

It’s summertime. And it’s GlobalWarmingHot in LaLaLand.

If that isn’t bad enough, EnviroWoman has been travelin’. By car. By cab. By bus. By skytrain. By airplane. Confined within four walls and four wheels for hundreds of miles at a time – sometimes crammed in with other hot humans - making the heat even more unbearable.

Naturally, EnviroWoman has been thirsty. But since taking the NoNewPlasticPledge soda pop is outta the question. Milk has also proven to PlasticProblematic. And plastic-bottled water just has MAJOR SIN written all over it.

So EnviroWoman headed to the juice aisle to quench her thirst with liquid joy. (

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 3 months since my last confession.

I’ve been expecting you, my child.

YOU HAVE???

You shouldn’t sound so surprised! For an old guy, I’m pretty tapped in. The Word on the street is vanity insanity was tempting you to walk on the dark side.

HUH?

The parishioners organizing the rummage sale have been gossiping for weeks that your no-new-plastic pledge was headed for another disaster all because of mascara.

Oh no, Father. That’s NOT the sin I’ve committed.My MAJOR SIN today Father is much, much bigger than mascara. With far greater implications to the planet and especially to my plastic shrine....

I know, I know…you’re thinking…'EnviroWoman haven’t you already found plastic-free CFL bulbs by NOMA that come packaged in cardboard rather than that annoying and uber-evil blisterpak stuff.'

Well, I said it once, I’ll say it again….life is full of ironies. And this is another one of them.

And we’re not talking an itsy-bitsy-paramecium-sized irony. We’re talking a big, honkin’ Godzilla- Meets-Tyrannosaurus-Rex-sized irony – the Sequel.

Uncle Ben has always been one of my all-time favorite uncles.

When EnviroWoman was a kid, World’sBestMom made sure he was a regular guest at the family dinner table. ‘Cuz he was such a high quality refined kinda guy.

No matter what World’sBestMom was serving, it seemed only natural Uncle Ben was there. There was Spanish Ben, Shrimp Creole on Ben, Chicken Cordon Bleu with Ben, Curried Ben, Steak with Ben, and EnviroWoman’s absolute fav Fav FAV food of all time….Chicken Parmesan with Ben. (Yeah, I know, that seems a bit odd for a vegetarian to claim, but 'tis the truth)

Hello, my name is EnviroWoman and I’m a plasticholic.

‘Welcome EnviroWoman.’

It’s been 5 ½ months since my last plastic-packaged pretzel. And not only did I give up pretzels when I took the no-new plastic pledge, but I also gave up crackers and chips and rice cakes and popcorn…in fact, all things crunchy and salty.

EnviroWoman was having a MarthaMoment. And the recipe called for milk.

Now, EnviroWoman has never been a big milk drinker. Maybe soy milk on the rare occasion when she’s baking. ‘Cuz drinking milk…well, it’s as natural as morphing into The Incredible Hulk when the sun goes down.

Oh sure, it’s natural while you’re a wee babe still dependent on mumsy ….just like it is for all mammals. But once you’re weaned and noshing on cheerios and strained bananas, Mother Nature intends for you to answer ‘Got Milk?’ with a big fat 'NO' from then on….no matter how good the ad campaign is.

It’s Environment Week in Canada, and today, June 5, is World Environment Day (shouldn't everyday be?).

I celebrated by reading the premiere issue of the magazine Granville: Sustainable City Living. Overall, it was pretty good. It included an interesting article Recycle City by Christopher Pollon.

I’ve finished month #5 living the ‘no-new-plastic’ pledge. And I gotta say….it’s been a bad plastic month.

I’ve almost doubled the size of my plastic shrine since April and it could have been prevented if I had just avoided two PlasticBlondeMoments....

Hey hosehead, EnviroWoman is gonna introduce you to some Canadian beer culture, okay?

So first...turn up your speakers.
Then click on this link, ya hoser,
And then go back to her blog right away, okay, eh.
It's gonna be like a blog in stereo.

And hoser, if you don't have speakers, you're screwed!

Brushing our teeth. We’ve all gotta do it. At least if we want to be part of civilized society. And keep a job. And find a Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Yuppers, the only ones who appreciate DoggyDooDooBreath are TheBeasts, who have a unique appreciation for smelly orifices, especially when greeting new friends. (EnviroWoman’s mind wanders....imagine what our society would be like if we......)

No doubt about it, EnviroWoman is glad to walk upright among civilized society. So it was important she find herself a good toothpaste.

I don’t remember the last time I bought a pen. I get them for free at professional events. I even inherited a life-time supply from a tech firm that belly-upped during the dot-com-crash.

Pens are prolific in EnviroWoman’s life. I have so many pens I don’t even need to buy refills. When a pen dries up…it’s retired to the pen-stash-drawer, and I move on to the next one. This drawer, I am ashamed to confess holds 89 pens.

Yes, 89. Stupid, isn’t it? My own dirty little secret. I mean really, what family needs that many pens? Not one. It’s a fine example of excess consumption. And what’s even worse, at least ½ are single-use-pens, intended to be thrown out after they dry up and added to the 10 billion non-degradable plastic pens tossed to the landfills each year worldwide.

And of all my 89 pens, only 4 make it through the golden-gates of no-new-plastic land. Yes, only 4. That's less than 5% of my stash.

Hey, squeeze this Mr. Wimple! EnviroWoman is talking toilet paper.

Admit it…you’ve been waiting for it.

As early as January 1st, when the no-new-plastic pledge was made, EnviroWoman knew finding plastic-free TP was going to be a challenge.

EnviroWoman is a visual animal. Sometimes understanding the magnitude of numbers overwhelms her. Just how many is 500 billion plastic bags anyway? (the number consumed worldwide every year)

Well, Chris Jordan has come to the rescue…without even knowing who EnviroWoman is.

His Running the Numbers photographs give EnviroWoman visual understanding of the magnitude of our addiction with not only plastic but also office paper, paper bags, cigarettes, cell phones and more.

Very cool stuff. EnviroWoman hopes you check it out.

People ask EnviroWoman “What have you got against plastic?”

Well, it bugs me that almost every piece of plastic ever made still exists and will for who knows how long. We assume it just ends up in landfills… ‘so hey, no big deal’. But it doesn’t. Often it ends up in our wild areas….and in our oceans where it can have disastrous effects.

That’s why EnviroWoman asks you to take 20 minutes out of your life and read a pretty fabulous (and scary) article…Plastic Ocean. It’s a great read with sad, sad pictures too.

I know, I know…you’re thinking…'EnviroWoman this is a no-brainer. Of course you’re buying Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs. They use 60% less energy. They last up to 15 times longer. Every Green Guide on the planet evangelizes them as being an energy saver. And energy saviour. I think they may even be able to walk on water.'

Well, life is full of ironies. And this is one of them.

The SodaSaga continues...

It started when EnviroWoman switched from Pepsi in a plastic bottle to Pepsi in a can when she took the no-new-plastic pledge on January 1st. Then Anonymous enlightened EnviroWoman by commenting that Pepsi cans have an inner lining of plastic. So it was back to square one....

Friends. Family. We are gathered here today to pay our final respects to YellowHighlighter.    

A devoted and faithful companion to EnviroWoman for many, many years YellowHighlighter shared her love of reading, reconciling bank statements, and drawing on TheBeast’s nose.  

He was her ever-constant StudyBuddy through 14 years of post secondary school and even accompanied her into the hallowed halls of CorporateCanada.

And she…well she was as equally devoted to YellowHighlighter...

For years EnviroWoman proudly proclaimed “I belong to the Pepsi Generation”….even after giving up plastic. I just resorted to drinking Pepsi from a can so I could still count myself among the CokeCounterCulture, but still live plastic-free. 

But Anonymous has changed all that....

The Prince and the Pea by Hans Christian Andersen and EnviroWoman

Once upon a time in the magical kingdom of LaLaLand there lived a prince….Prince MyMcDreamy.  

He had reached the age where it was time to grow up, say goodbye to the GirlsGoneWild and BarBimbettes, and find himself a wife….a real Princess.  

So he traveled around the world searching for her. His quest took him from Alaska to Zanzibar and even to Match.com. But, in all his travels, he never found a TrueBluePrincess. Some came close, but none were ‘just right’. So finally, giving up all hope, he came home to LaLaLand empty handed. 

The QueenMother was not pleased. Was her son going to be TheBachelor for life? 

One day, between royal engagements, Prince MyMcDreamy took a walk in the kingdom’s marketplace, but found himself caught in a torrential downpour. It stormed. It thundered. It rained torrents. As it often did in LaLaLand. The road back to the palace was washed away.  

Soaked to the royal jewels and stranded, Prince MyMcDreamy took refuge in a tiny shop called Bed.

I’ve finished month #4 living the ‘no-new-plastic’ pledge. I’ve got 8 months left to go in my New Year’s resolution… But lately I’ve been thinking of making this a life-time pledge. After all, many years ago I took my meat-free and cruelty-free vows – for life. Why not pledge plastic-free-for life too? 

You’re probably thinking “Wow, living plastic-free for life! This EnviroWoman chick is either growing balls or needs to get a slightly tighter grasp on reality” 

‘Tis true my sweets I’m feeling rather brazen.....

After getting all braniac from her trip to Oz, EnviroWoman decided she needed a GirlyGirl reward.

So she bought lipstick!

One thousand and one. One thousand and two.

Okay, in those two seconds, 90% of TheTestosterones just hit the Browser Back button. Bye, bye boys. But come back soon. Maybe next time EnviroWoman will blog about plastic-free hockey pucks or beer. Ya never know.

The other 10% of TheTestosterones diverted their attention from the computer monitor during those 2 seconds to yell over their shoulder ‘HoneyBun, SweetiePie, ya gotta come read this…EnviroWoman is talking lipstick.’ Oh boys, we so love you for that. Brownie points galore! Plus a little plastic-free peck on the cheek from EnviroWoman.

Now that leaves the rest of us. Girrrllllsss!!!!!

And women….it’s true, today EnviroWoman celebrates…..miracle of miracles….plastic-free lipstick.

I cut a plastic life-line loose the other day. In a little private ceremony in front of Safeway.

I deposited a whole swack of plastic bags into Safeway’s recycling bin. Adios amigos. Asta la vista. Sayonara.

This was a bundle which had taken up residence in the back seat of MyLittleCar after I tossed them there in the summer of 2006. I’d been too lazy or pre-occupied to deposit them into the recycling bin.

I re-discovered them in the early days of my no-new-plastic-pledge and thought…'Hmmmm…since the rule is I can continue to reuse any of the plastic I have in my life as of Dec 31st 2006, in a pinch I could use these as garbage bags when my paper ones run out.'

But those bags have remained there, untouched, since January 1st.

(Grab a java. And your ruby slippers. This is one long trek through OZ.)

All is not right in Kansas.

It started as just a windstorm a-brewing. But look over there, I'm sure that's a funnel cloud on the horizon. And can you feel a mysterious alteration of the air….and a warm wind headed our way? The birds have stopped singing and the crickets aren't chirping. And when they’re quiet it’s never a good sign…’cuz it’s an omen a real tornado is headed our way.

And that tornado is global warming.

Will you and EnviroWoman be standing in the eye of the storm soon? Or can we change our ways profoundly enough, and fast enough to divert disaster?

I have a confession to make. And no, it’s not another MAJOR SIN.

Let me premise the murky, mucky, dirty details by saying EnviroWoman likes to think she lives her life to high moral standards. Sure, she’s had momentary lapses. Road rage. Revenge fantasies. White lies. Plastic purchases. But for the most part…she travels life with a clean slate and a clear conscious.

But now…with a Scarlett Letter….

You see, EnviroWoman has been having an adulterous love affair….with Dr. Oetker.

Ah, the first signs of Spring have appeared.  

When I was a prairie-girl, you knew it was spring when you saw the year’s first dead gopher splattered on the side of the road. I kid you not.

Thankfully, here on the west coast, spring is heralded by much lovelier signs: cherry blossoms, magnolia blooms, and the appearance of Girl Guides hawking their cookies. 

But this year, I’ve sworn off letting any new plastic into my life, and alas, I declare it with a heavy heart – that’ means Girl Guide Cookies are off limits for 2007. Because those little femme-fatale-concoctions are lovingly nestled in cradles of plastic. 

I feel guilty every time I buy flowers. I think it has to do with my cruelty-free chromosome. Something so so beautiful, having it’s life cut short (literally) for me, just seems so, so wrong. I just don’t feel I have the right.

That’s why I never buy flowers for myself. But sometimes, I will admit, I buy them for others. I know, that’s a big wallop of makes-no-sense, illogical, incongruency – but there you have it. 

But now that I’ve given up plastic in 2007, buying flowers presents not just a moral challenge, but also a plastic challenge too. Because flowers come wrapped in plastic…

I’ve finished my third month living plastic free in 2007. I’m now officially one quarter of the way there. This photo shows all the new plastic I’ve let into my life during 2007. It’s a pretty paltry amount, I’m proud to say.

Like February, March has been a pretty easy month to get through. There’s been some positives and negatives.

Good plastic fortune this month....

My visit to the recent EPIC Sustainable Living Expo was like striking ‘no-plastic gold’. There were 5 booths that heralded ‘no-plastic bag’ options.

I bought these cotton alternatives from BringYourOwnBag.ca, a Vancouver small business. It’s too bad they don’t handily fold up into a tight little bundle that fits in your purse or pocket like the ones shown in this British video, but hey, they do the trick.

I bought them mostly because they are so damn cheeky and help me spread the message of my mission to live plastic-free in 2007.

I needed a prescription filled. But prescription bottles are plastic and I’ve sworn off plastic for 2007.  

You’re probably thinking ‘Surely they’ll let you reuse your current pill bottle, and just slap a new label on it.’

Or will they? 

Last year one of my New Year’s resolutions was to lose 15 pounds. So I became a JennyGirl and lost 25. This year I resolved to get a 6-pack. I haven’t been to the gym once yet, but today I realized I had already achieved this goal.

In fact, I didn’t just get me a 6 pack....EnviroWoman is flaunting a 12 pack. (What can I say, when I take on a resolution I do it in a big, big way.) You see, when I gave up plastic January 1st, as another one of my resolutions, I had to stop buying Pepsi in plastic bottles.

Living plastic-free requires a ‘back to basics’ approach to life. For the most part I’m fine with that. I’m a back to basics kinda-gal. I’ve always washed dishes by hand, for example. But I may have to rethink this. Because now that I’ve pledged to let no new plastic into my life in 2007, my fav-fav-fav Sunlight Lemon Fresh, Grease Fighter Dish Washing Liquid has become off-limits.

In my EnviroWoman books, it’s now considered a SINNER because it’s completely packaged in plastic.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned again. It’s been 2 months since my last confession.  

And what is the sin you have to confess this time,my child?

They call me the Queen of Denial. Because this year is all about giving up some of my favourite things in the quest to live plastic-free for 2007. It’s like a lent-induced abstinence - for 365 days. Case in point - my favourite shampoo/conditioner of all time is Freeman Botanicals. I’m a long-time die-hard fan. I’ve even lived through three total product rebrands and one episode where it magically disappeared Jimmy-Hoffa style from the shelves for over a year. So now, when I find it, I buy it in bulk. That is, until Jan 2007, when I swore off buying anything packaged in or containing plastic.

I’ve finished my second month living plastic free in 2007. Although January was a big adjustment, February was much easier. Maybe it’s just the calm before the storm. The reality is, the ‘big’ choices have yet to hit…like car oil, toilet paper, prescription bottles. I've added a few MAJOR and MINOR sins this month to the plastic shrine (see pic at right), but not too much in comparison to the Progress Report for January.

When was the last time you were asked ‘paper or plastic’? It used to be the norm, but no more. Eco-do-gooders have to take the initiative and declare ‘paper please”. But, last week, my request was met with ‘We don’t have any’. EnviroWoman was so aghast SafewayGirl obligingly trekked over to the bakery department in search of a bread bag. I had left my handy wire grocery basket in the car as it was already chock-a-block full of books for the second hand shop. Gotta admit, I felt like a fool stuffing potatoes and rice into my purse and broccoli and oranges into a bread bag…but it's worth being a fool for Mother Nature.

I bring this up because Ikea has been in the news because starting March 15th, it will charge its US customers 5 cents per plastic bag (it currently supplies 70 million of the little darlins’ to US shoppers). This is just IKEA’s first step to ending plastic bag use altogether, all in an effort to reduce the ~100 billion (yes, BILLION) plastic bags thrown out by our southern neighbours every year. Watch the news coverage

Oprah’s been letting fans in on ‘The Secret’ over the last 2 weeks. And since EnviroWoman has ‘SUCKER’ tatooed across her forehead she headed down to Banyen Books (the local mecca for all things New Age) to see if they had any copies so she too, like millions of Oprah-devotees, could become ‘enlightened’.

This was the first time since pledging to live plastic-free in 2007 that I was truly tempted to commit a MAJOR SIN not out of necessity, but just because the lure of the plastic-thingy was just too, too provocative.

I’ve finished my first month living plastic free in 2007. Wow, what a difference a New Year's resolution can make. Check out this picture of my plastic shrine.

• On the left, is ‘2007’ (new plastic I’ve let into my life in 2007 that’s now ready for recycling/trash). Doesn't include the plastic recyclng bin
• On the right is ‘2006’ (plastic I had in my life as of Dec 31 2006, have finished using, and that’s now ready for recycling/trash. (One of my rules is I can continue to use or re-use any plastic in my possession as of Dec 31 2006 as it would be hugely wasteful to throw all that stuff out.)

Dramatic difference isn’t there?

I was 35,000 feet above sea level. The flight attendant was wheeling the ‘onboard café’ down the aisle and I was starving. She might as well have been peddling crack cocaine. ‘Cuz this woman was dealing in plastic. And I’ve gone plastic-cold-turkey in 2007.

The little pretzels, the cookies, the sandwiches, even the water. All packaged in plastic. The pizza was a maybe, but I wasn’t going to chance it. If I went all trippy and succumbed to its ‘potential no-plastic’ lure and then discovered it indeed had plastic inside that cardboard box – well I’d fall off my no-plastic bandwagon and have to go into rehab.

EnviroWoman has committed her first MAJOR SIN since pledging to live plastic-free in 2007.

A MAJOR SIN is when EnviroWoman falls right offa the bandwagon and buys or uses new plastic, flagrantly throwing her morals to the wind (and kyboshing her 'no-new plastic' New Year’s resolution)...thereby putting the future of Mother Earth in jeopardy.

There is not a single italian allele in my chromosome map, but still I love pasta. I wish I could say “I’m an athlete and need it to power up”. Alas, the reality is, “I’m an EnviroWoman and just love a good chow down”. Here’s another reality – I’m only 3 weeks into this ‘no  plastic’ New Year’s Resolution and I gotta confess — all the plastic in grocery-land is really starting to grate my cheese. Here it is again, rampant in the pasta aisle. The good news — at least I find a few SAINTS. The bad news — there’s something akin to the Madonna/Whore factor goin’ on here.  

You may be thinking ‘Wow, this EnviroWoman is a hardcore GRANOLA-type’. The sad reality is — I’m more of a RiceCakeChick. There’s nothing better to satisfy the munchies (and I mean that so TOTALLY NOT the way you think) then Quaker Butter Popcorn Rice Cakes. But, maybe I’ll have to resort to granola after all, ‘cuz it ain't looking plastic-pretty in the cracker aisle.

There I was, standing like a deer staring-into-the-crosshairs, thinking “GO AHEAD, Just PULL THE TRIGGER and PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY”. At that moment I think I could feel all my B-vitamins bleeding right out onto the floor of Safeway’s produce aisle.

Food reserves were getting perilously low. It was time to embark on my first grocery shopping adventure since pledging to not let any new plastic into my life as of January 1st. But what would I put my groceries in?

Hello my name is EnviroWoman and I’m a chocoholic. Proud of it too. But will my resolution to let no new plastic into my life jettison my cocoa-dependent-endorphins down a deep, dark well of despair? PreggoWoman and I wanted to find out so we took a bevvie-break and headed down to LottoMan’s world to check out his temple of chocolate worship. Oy vay! It doesn’t look good…

It’s day 2 of living plastic free and my antiperspirant committed suicide this morning. As it leapt out of my hands and hurled itself towards the linoleum at warp speed I was thinking “Where the frell am I gonna find a non-plastic substitute…how absolutely plebeian that anti-perspirant is going to be the first thing I’ll be blogging about…I wonder if there will be any leftover Xmas chocolate at work today….(sometimes my brain travels at warp speed too). 

I’m giving up plastic in 2007. That means not buying/accepting products that contain or are packaged in plastic. Sounds simple? Think about it….shampoo/deodorant in plastic bottles, toothpaste with plastic lids, toilet paper wrapped in plastic…and that’s just the morning routine. Read about my adventures in the no-plastic zone.