Personal Intentions 2008
I was watching the republican and democratic debates last night, and comments around experience, and having the not only the will but also experience to battle for what they believe, taking action, caught my attention. I have many great intentions, but only those I also believe in very strongly have the power to be maintained every day. Especially on those days I feel dark and heavy, there are goals that will jump me out of bed.
Work isn't always one of them, especially working for others, and this is something I want to bring more awareness and action around in 2008.
When I do things that are only self serving, they provide a temporary energy, like eating sweets. When I've done things like volunteering, or see someone who needs help, a different energy moves through me. Their appreciation seems almost secondary to simply allowing that desire to serve act.
I'm curious about this moving into a new year, as I've just come out of a New Year's yoga retreat, where selfless service (karma yoga) was a major theme. I washed dishes, jumped to carry boxes, and blew balloons with a joy inside. From my limitted understanding, when the mind is free of it's ego-centric self, access to a limitless energy is available. I repeated to myself a few times today at work, "this is not for me," and a sense of ease came in. I normally put a lot of pressure on myself for perfection, so when something slips I can feel quite embarrased, and that all my work has gone to waste.
A different view is surfacing. It doesn't really matter to me the outcome of my work, so long as it is serving others well. I can serve others well by checking in with them on what would be a valuable contribution for them, and give them that. Other environmental factors may affect the outcome, but I can't take responsibility for those anymore. It just causes too much internal stress, and I'm tired of it.
Where I'm not sure how this will play out, is when I commit to delivering a service to someone. Then an expectation is made. If, and it happens often in an office, I become committed to many items for many people, my ability to make them all happy becomes a game of Jenga, taking a block from the bottom to put on top. It's just a matter of time before something falls short. I thing this is the route to nice guys finishing last. Good intentions, but poor execution. It's easier to just take care of yourself and be ego-centric, but that becomes limiting to your relationships and connecting not only with other people, but the bigger energy that moves when acting out of compassion.
Be the change you want to be in the world. Then figure out how to make it practical so that it can be a stable lifestyle.
