It's late January and so far, so good!
Well, here we are nearing the end of January and I have managed to stick to my resolution to be a better person...seem vague? It's kind of an all encompassing goal. I had my second child on April 1st, 2007 - and at 42 - I was staring to feel my age after several months of sleep deprivation. Don't get me wrong, I am a youthful 42 - after all, 40 is the new 30 or so 'they' say. As my one year maternity leave draws to an end - I have been determined to make myself over in 2008! Yes, this is going to be MY year! For too long I have felt insecure and somehow less than worthy (that's difficult to see in print) and it's taken its toll.
The following is a list of things that I have already done since the end of 2007:
exercised 2-5 times per week: Bikram yoga; running; cycling; and hiking
currently on final 3 days of a wild rose herbal detox
gotten more sleep by going to bed earlier
banished negative thoughts and people from my life as much as possible
reached out to more friends and family
gotten my eyes checked and got progressive glasses for reading and driving
drinking more water
drinking less alcohol
laughing with my children more
started creative projects, including designing a wine label for my upcoming wedding in February
reading more books
clearing away some of the clutter
Now, I realize that my list is quite self-centred - but I decided that I need to be somewhat self-centred in order to relish in the changes before becoming more externally focused. When I go back to my job, it's fairlyhigh profile and I want to feel like I have my act together inside and out.
Despite my lofty goal of reinventing myself...there's a more straightforward goal that has been eating away at my core for years. I have a burning need to push my artistic talents to their edge - to start producing more art for commissions and commercial purposes. For years I have been talking about doing this, and I have reached the point of "s#$t or get off the pot". It's high time that I get the art making and selling off the ground!
The abovementioned activities are all loosely related to the art goal, in that they reflect a need in myself to honour who I am and to feel worthy enough of my talents - to showcase them in a more public way...it's so scary. The fear of failure is the biggest hurdle. Ironically, by not acting on this goal - it's beginning to feel like failure by default. So, with such sage insights, what's the delay? An upcoming wedding for one (3 weeks to go). Two children under 4 doesn't help either. What else? Wasting time on facebook; too tired; where to begin? Yikes, a rather paltry list! I thought that I had more excuses to burn. Hmmmm. Well, the wedding and young ones are pretty big excuses - but perhaps there's a solution in there? Yes, post wedding - I am going to buy myself a week of childcare and give myself a painting sojourn. I will eat and breathe art. When not actually making art - I shall be looking at art. Art Immersion!! I am excited!
