How to Escape Death While Training

I mentioned that to help with my downward slump of running progress, I got the iPod ready and ate some Sports Beans (which I love, by the way, but I've never even tried the Gu, so I don't know how it compares). I also went book shopping because A) Books always cheer me up and B) because I found a book just for me: "The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women". The cover has a picture of an armchair wearing a race bib and it's just funny. Guaranteed to make me feel better about my slump.

Here's an excerpt that made me howl:

"Your road to stardom begins with the training schedule... that was devised by marathon coaches. The rest of the book offers advice on how to avoid death while training for a marathon. Keep in mind that my only real qualification for giving this advice is the fact that I managed to avoid death while training for a marathon. Which makes my training a smashing success."

 Here's another:

"[The Stroke Association] people greeted me with 'So this is what we're gonna do. You are going to run your first mile at your pace; then when you run your second mile, you are going to try to cut 10 seconds off your time; then on your third mile, try to cut 15 seconds off your time.' To this I replied, "How 'bout I run the first mile, then try not to get in my car and leave before I run the second mile, and then on the third mile I'll try not to pass out? These are more attainable goals for me'."

Howling. Laughing so hard today that my sore muscles hurt even more.